


His Iwa-chan

by uirtus



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Crying, Fluff, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Oikawa needs a hug, We don't stan Oikawa's mom, oikawa's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 05:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30033735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uirtus/pseuds/uirtus
Summary: Oikawa has faced homophobia his whole life. From every living thing he encountered. He pushed everything down, he told himself he was gross. And he was. Oikawa thought he could deal with it, he thought he could stomach being gay and facing the world for the rest of his life. That was until he found himself in love with his best friend.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	His Iwa-chan

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! There are some really important notes I really want everyone to read if they are a part of the lgbtqia+ community. ALSO there may be some triggering sections in this fic, the beginning especially so please be aware of that.  
> I hope you enjoy! (also I would like to apologize for the beginning, it was written months ago and I didn't feel like changing it. Please forgive me!)

Tooru Oikawa was seven years old when he learned what the word gay meant.

“There he is, that’s Oikawa. I bet he’s a boy lover.” 

Oikawa didn’t know that walking over to the group of snickering boys on the playground would be the beginning of so many years of tragedy.

Hands clutched behind his back, he wandered over to them smiling “Hey guys, what are you talking about?” 

Oikawa didn’t know how much he would regret making one simple decision that day on the playground. 

The boys looked at each other, their eyes playing at the edge of mischief as they all shared the same thought. “Oikawa, is it true?” one of the boys spoke, his cruelty masked by kindness as he spoke.

Oikawa looked up at them through pure, chocolate eyes “Is what true?”

The boy looked to his friends as a wolfish grin creeped onto his lips, “Oh you know,” his smirk slipped away from his lips and he walked around Oikawa “The rumors.” He ducked into Oikawa’s space, whispering in his ear.

Oikawa turned his head to look at the boy, “Rumors?” 

Some of the boys behind him were starting to snicker as the one up in Oikawa’s face continued to talk. “Yes, the rumors about you,” the boy stood in front of Oikawa crossing his arms “Being  _ gay _ .” The words seemed to drip from his lips as his wolf-like sneer creeped its way back onto his face.

Oikawa looked around to the faces behind him and watched as they laughed, hooting and doubling over like they had heard the funniest joke in the world. 

Turning back to the boy in front of him his stomach started to knot as he laughed nervously “Gay?” 

The boys behind him laughed even harder, it rang in the air, in Oikawa’s ears. It was starting to make him feel small.

“Yes, gay. You know when guys only like guys. It’s weird honestly but it must be true, all you do is spend time around Iwaizumi. And to make it even worse you call him ‘Iwa-chan.’” The boy dragged out Iwaizumi’s nickname, mocking Oikawa. The boys behind him all joined in a chorus calling out Iwaizumi’s name, laughing like wild dogs as they did. 

The boy looked back to his friends, his sneer perched steadily on his lips. Turning back to Oikawa his smile slipped from his lips and was instantly replaced with a look of disgust. “It’s gross really.” He placed his hands on Oikawa’s chest, shoving him into the dirt. “And it’s amazing that  _ Iwaizumi _ even puts up with you.”

Oikawa’s throat turned thick as his vision started to flood with emotion. He started to stand but was shoved down by a foot. The laughing from the other boys rang in his ears like the beating of a drum. “Guys, stop please. I’m not gay.” his voice came out in a raged plea.

The foot on his chest ground him into the dirt. He could feel the rocks digging into his tee-shirt, leaving small indents in his skin. “Tell that to Iwaizumi.  _ Iwaizumi. _ ” The boy sounded out the syllabus of his name “Say it with me Oikawa, you can do it.” He sounded as if he were talking to a lost dog.

“Where’s your Iwa-chan now?” Another boy called out from the group that was watching Oikawa as large, hot tears started to slip from his eyes and down his cheeks.

Oikawa choked on a sob as one of the boys knelt down to him, speaking in a whisper. “Do you know what we do to the boy lovers?” Oikawa watched the last two words fall from his mouth, coated in hatred. 

He shook his head, knowing if he talked his words would be overcome with the cold fear that was forming in his chest. 

The boy stood up, turning to the rest of his friends. “We make sure they know their place.” Oikawa could hear the smile in his voice as he watched the shadows of the other boys loom over him. The pressure of the foot on his chest was removed.

The first kick to his stomach forced all the air out of him, along with a strangled sob. Oikawa raised his hands over his head as the boys all joined in and started hurling their feet into his sides, arms and anywhere that wasn’t already being occupied by the tip of another person's shoe.

His pleas for them to stop left his throat in broken words, not only from the sheer force of their feet but his sobs broke them apart into incoherent begging.

Oikawa could hear their laughing and mockery starting to fade as he curled around himself in a weak attempt to shield his small body from their forceful kicks and words.

Oikawa felt every kick bloom a new patch of purple and blue on his skin, he felt every word they said become implanted into his brain even as they were being drowned out by his own cries and the laughing of the boys above him. 

As the pain from their shoes and words tore through his already aching body, Oikawa learned that being gay was something he never wanted to be.

Iwaizumi’s voice rang through Oikawa’s house as he called up the stairs for his best friend. “Hey Oikawa do you wanna play some volleyball?” 

Oikawa didn’t answer in fear his sobs would continue to tear through his body if he opened his mouth again.

Iwaizumi’s footsteps thumped up the stairs as he called out to his friend again. Nearing his bedroom he stopped in the doorway. “Hey Oikawa you here?”

Oikawa removed the blanted from his face and looked up to see Iwaizumi, volleyball tucked into his arms with band-aids covering his legs and arms from their past adventures into the woods. “There you are, I thought you were here cause you shoes were but you weren’t answering the door-.” 

Iwaizumi froze when he saw the puffiness rimming his friends eyes “Where you… crying?” 

Oikawa looked at his best friend, ignoring his question he asked in a straggled voice “Do you not like it when I call you ‘Iwa-chan?’” his voice sounded tired from his muffled sobs into his pillow.

Iwaizumi dropped his ball in the doorway and wandered to Oikawa’s bed. He sat down without ever breaking his sturdy eye contact. “No. I mean I used to think it was kinda weird but now I like it. It wouldn’t sound right if you called me anything else.” 

Oikawa fell onto his bed, pulling the blanket over his head to hide his quivering lip. “Okay”

Iwaizumi stared at Oikawa through the heavy comforter of his bed. His tone was soft and gentle when he spoke “Why are you asking me this”

Oikawa didn’t answer his question, he just turned to face his wall wrapping himself even further into the cover of his blanket.

Iwaizumi poked at his side, “Oi, Oikawa.” He watched as his best friend flinched away from his touch. Retracting his hand as fast as he could, he stared at the lump of boy and blanket in front of him. 

Soft sniffles escaped the blanket as Oikawa felt his throat go thick again. His eyes stung from the dried tears that lingered on the brims of his eyes. “I’m sorry Iwa-chan. I didn’t mean to do that.” 

Oikawa felt Iwaizumi shift on his bed, laying down beside him “It’s alright.”

Oikawa looked out from under his blanket, whipping his eyes as he looked to his best friend. “What are you doing?” 

Iwaizumi's eyes slid over to him then back to the glow in the dark stars that decorated Oikawa’s ceiling “Waiting for you, duh.” 

Oikawa peeled the blanket from his head as he sat up to look at Iwaizumi. He felt warmth bloom across his chest as he asked, “Why are you waiting for me?” 

Iwaizumi sat up and turned to Oikawa “I’m waiting for you to calm down so we can go play volleyball.”

Oikawa felt a smile playing on his lips, he looked to Iwaizumi, his  _ Iwa-chan _ and tugged at his wrist. “Okay let's go!” 

Iwaizumi allowed himself to be tugged from the bed, stopping to scope up his volleyball on Oikawa’s floor. “Okay hold on give me a moment before you drag me down the stairs.” 

Oikawa didn’t stop though, he continued to drag his friend, his _ best friend _ down the stairs of his house and out into his yard to play volleyball.

He didn’t care what those other boys thought anymore or what they did to him because he had his best friend who didn’t care if he called him nicknames. 

Although he didn’t care right now, those bruises that would begin to fade would be replaced by new ones everyday until middle school. And even though Oikawa never told Iwaizumi where they came from he still knew the truth would come out sooner or later.

Oikawa dodged an oncoming volleyball thrown at his head and watched it hit the wall in front of him with a loud bang. “You know someday you’ll actually hit me and then you’ll have murdered your best friend.” 

Iwaizumi was winding up for another throw as he barked out a laugh. “Good, I’d be sparing lots of innocent girls' hearts by doing so.” 

Another volleyball whisked by Oikawa's head as he walked to the center of the gym “It’s not my fault that they fall all over me Iwa-chan, I mean can you blame them.” Oikawa gestured to himself, his hands sweeping down his body as he did so. 

Iwaizumi’s eyes darted away immediately, he moved to pick up the balls he had thrown. “Shut up Shittykawa. When did you even start liking having so many girls around you anyways?” 

Oikawa felt a pang in his chest as remembered all those days on the playground and after school he would take the back roads home so his best friend wouldn’t have to see the way he clutched his sides in pain. 

“I don’t know, they just started hanging around me and I never stopped them.” 

Iwaizumi’s eyes slide over to Oikawa and down to the floor. His lip pinched out as he spoke his next slipped into a low quiet voice “Alright well when we get into high school... don’t let one of them replace me.” 

Oikawa’s eyes widened as he looked up to Iwaizumi, a small blush had formed on each of the boy’s cheeks. “Never Iwa-chan. I’ll always be your best friend no matter what, I promise.” Oikawa felt his heart throb.  _ Best friend _ .

Iwaizumi looked up to Oikawa then back to the ball in his hand, he tossed it into a bin and walked to the gym doors. “Yeah, bestfriend.” he scooped up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder as he turned to Oikawa. “Come on Shittykawa, we have to go home or your mom is gonna call asking if you’re passed out at the gym again.” 

Oikawa trotted over to pick up his bag as well. “Oh please that only happened one time.” he scoffed, a small laugh tumbled off his lips.

“One time is one time too many.” Iwaizumi countered.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi made their way out of the gym, walking in silence as they strolled down the quiet streets of Japan.

As much as Oikawa hated to admit it those kids on the playground were right. It took many years of standing in front of mirrors and crying, begging himself not to be this way but he was. Oikawa still felt ashamed every time he thought of a man as anything other than a friend, but he began to accept feeling ashamed to be himself.

The heat poured through Oikawa’s windows as he sat in his house with all the fans he could find pointed in his direction. He had been waiting for his mom to get home for an hour. He needed to tell her, he needed to tell his dad too. They needed to know.

His stomach was tripping over itself as he heard the jingle of keys outside his door. He stood up and walked to the door waiting for his mom to enter their house.

Oikawa’s mom walked through the door, looking up to see her son playing with his fingers as he looked at her. “Hey sweetie, how was your day?” she walked into the kitchen setting down her bags.

Oikawa followed her standing by her side and he watched her. “It was fine but uh mom? I have something to tell you and dad.” he wrung out his fingers as he felt sweat form in his hairline and it wasn’t from the heat.

Oikawa’s mom placed her hands on the table as she looked at her son, “Yeah that’s fine Tooru but can it wait until dinner? I need to have a couple hours to myself.” 

Oikawa felt his heart flip in his chest. “Well I already told dad when you got home to come downstairs and it’s kind of really important.” 

His father’s footsteps cascaded down the stairs as he called out to his wife, “Honey? Tooru wanted to tell us something once you got home.”

Oikawa’s mother sighed, looking at her son she smiled. “Alright, what did you want to tell us?” 

Oikawa looked to his mother then to his father as he took a deep breath, he could hear his heart in his ears as the air filled his lungs. “Mom, dad.” he began his voice trembling slightly, “I wanted you to know this because it’s really important to me and I hope you’ll try to understand when I tell you.” 

He watched his parents look at each other, worry playing with expressions. He drew in another breath in an attempt to calm himself down but all it did was fuel the dread growing inside of his chest. “I’m gay.” 

He watched as his fathers expression fell off his face. His mother turned to her husband, her face in the same state of shock. “No.” his mother whispered in a flat tone.

Oikawa felt his heart splinter. He looked at his mother, the lump in his throat growing thicker and harder to talk around. “What? His words tumbled out of his mouth.

His mother began to shake her head, closing her eyes as if it would make this disappear. “Not my son, not in my house. Why Tooru? Why would you ever say or think something like that?!” Her voice broke at the end of her words.

Oikawa’s heart sank into the pit of his stomach as he watched his father stand up and walk out the door. “Mom please, it’s not gonna be the end of the world.” his voice broke into splinters as he spoke.

His mom shook her head, pinching her nose between her fingers. “Tooru you’re not gay. I’ve already had one of my children become a screw up and you won’t become one either, okay?” His mothers eyes shone something between manic and disappointment. 

Oikawa squeezed his eyes together in hopes he would be pulled out of this situation by some outside force, but it didn’t happen. All he felt was his mothers grip on his chin, yanking him down the few inches that separated them so she could look into his eyes. “Look at me when I talk to you. I want you to leave, right now. I don’t want you to come back until well after dark. I don’t want to be awake when you come back. You’re allowed to stay here but only under the condition I never have to see you unless necessary.” 

His mothers word felt as if they had slapped him in the face, they made his eyes sting as tears began to form in the corners, making his vision blurry. He watched as his mother walked towards the stairs only to turn around and yell at him to leave again.

Oikawa scrambled towards his front door, bending over to grab a pair of shoes not even bothering to put them on. He opened the door and threw his body into the intense heat of summer, Oikawa began to run. A shoe clutched in each hand he ran down his street as hot thick tears spilled from his eyes. 

Oikawa ran until he couldn’t see his house anymore, until he was panting so hard it made his chest hurt. He stopped and sat down in a patch of grass, it wasn’t until then did he realize where he was. He looked around the small park and whipped the tears from his eyes.

Oikawa stood up, legs trembling from how much stress he had just put them through. This was the park he and Iwaizumi had spent so many days as children playing volleyball, catching bugs and playing as many games as a child's imagination could conjure up.

Oikawa felt his heart squeeze as he thought of his best friend, his best friend who was probably eating dinner with his family right now. Oikawa suddenly felt the weight of his phone in his pocket. 

He knew if he called Iwaizumi he would run to the park to find him, he knew he would care but he still found himself wandering the park alone. Oikawa didn’t want to bother him with this because this wasn’t his problem.

He started to walk the small stone paths of the park, watching the rays from the setting sun turn everything to a fiery gold. 

Oikawa sat down on a bench on the side of the path and watched the ants crawl through the maze the patterns of the stones created and took a deep breath. The air made his lungs hurt and his chest feel tight but he didn’t care. All he had to do was wait until after dark, then he could go home.

When Oikawa walked back into his home it was dark and quiet. He set down his shoes and shuffled his feet across the wooden floor so as to not make any noise. 

The house smelled of food but there was none set out for him, not in the fridge or stove or anywhere. When he lifted the lid to the garbage he saw all the remnants of what would have been his dinner in the trash.

He didn’t mind though, it’s not as if he expected there to be any for him anyways.

On Oikawa’s first day of highschool he made a promise to himself, he would become the perfect son. His parents would have to be proud of him if he was, how could they not be? 

He spent his days studying alone or with Iwaizumi but mostly alone. Every time he went to his best friends house he found himself with butterflies in his stomach like a nervous little girl. 

But the days he wasn’t studying he was at the gym practicing his sets, receives, spikes and serves until his knee gave out beneath him and he had to call Iwaizumi to come drag him home. 

Iwaizumi hauled Oikawa up from the floor or the gym. “Why are you always here so late? You know you  _ do  _ have a family right?” a laugh innocently fell from his lips. 

Oikawa felt his heart pull but he ignored it and choked out a laugh. “Yeah I know but I would prefer spending my time making sure I’m the best there is.” 

Iwaizumi blinked over to him and frowned. “You know Oikawa it is  _ okay _ to not be the best at everything you do. You can let yourself have a break sometimes.” 

Oikawa moved to look at him, his shoulders square with Iwaizumi. “Ah but you see Iwa-chan I can not settle for the best. I’ll only be satisfied when I’m perfect.” 

Iwaizumi’s frown etched further into his features. “You don’t have to be perfect for anyone Tooru, you just have to be yourself.”

Oikawa felt a warm blush spread across his cheeks as he turned away. “Sometimes you just have to push yourself beyond your own limits to achieve something you want.” 

Iwaizumi’s steely eyes hardened, staring into Oikawa’s, studying him. His frown was unbelievably prominent on his face as he looked at his best friend. Oikawa stared back at him for a moment before breaking his gaze away. “Geez Iwa-chan you’re going to get frown lines at 16 years old if you keep looking at me like that.” 

A ball came flying at his face. “Shut it Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi barked out as his best friend began to laugh. 

Once he was in the clear from the balls that had ceased flying at him, Oikawa picked his duffle bag off the floor. “Oh I’m staying at your place tonight, my parents aren’t home right now.” 

That was a lie. 

Iwaizumi reached over to take Oikawa’s duffle bag from him. He slung it over his shoulder and began to walk towards the door. “Whatever you say, Trashykawa.” He smiled at the ground, “Whatever you say.”

Oikawa laughed as he turned to his best friend, “You know these nicknames just keep getting better and better.” 

“I try.” 

Oikawa was sprawled out on the carpet of Iwaizumi’s bedroom, book in hand with a small flashlight pinched between his teeth. He heard Iwaizumi roll over and groan. “Shut that damn thing off Oikawa and go to bed.” 

Oikawa clicked the flashlight off and sat up to look at Iwaizumi who had his arm slung over his face. “Knowledge waits for no one Iwa-chan.” he said. “We have finals coming up soon and I would be very pleased if I could ace them.” 

“You already have perfect grades, you don’t need to ‘ace them.’”

Oikawa sighed as he dropped his head onto his text book's slick pages. “In my eyes, yes I do.” Oikawa closed the book, placing it back into his school bag. 

Iwaizumi propped himself up on his elbow. “Oikawa, sometimes you make me worry.”

Surprised, Oikawa turned to look at Iwaizumi, the shock plain on his face. “Why would I worry you?”

Iwaizumi looked away, rubbing the back of his head with his hand. “I don’t know, it’s just… ever since we started high school you’ve been trying so hard.” his voice was quiet as he spoke. “You know you can talk to me if something’s happening, right?” The question was soft, shy. 

Oikawa’s mouth hung open slightly as he felt the words from his mother and all those before her slip back into his brain. He hesitated for a moment before, “Of course I do.” His own voice reflected the softness in Iwaizumi’s. 

The moonlight caught on Iwaizumi’s eyelashes when he glanced down, casting long shadows across his cheekbones. Oikawa felt something deep in his stomach, the feeling he inwardly yelled at himself for. He felt his cheeks grow warm and thanked the universe for the dark of the night sky. Not Iwaizumi. 

“Good, good night ‘kawa. I better not wake up to you with your nose in that book.”

Oikawa shoved the feeling back down where it came from and laughed quietly. “Alright Iwa-chan.” He turned on his side as he listened to Iwaizumi’s steady breathing and thought. 

He didn’t actually like Iwaizumi like that… right? He was his friend, his  _ best  _ friend. Nothing more, nothing less, emphasis on the nothing more. There was no way, it wasn’t possible. 

As he sat there he allowed his mind to wander into the idea, just to test. He wound up with burning cheeks and a stomach full of butterflies. No. No, not Iwaizumi. 

Oikawa curled himself into something smaller, feeling shame dance with the edges of his heart. Just go to sleep, he willed himself. Just go to sleep. 

No matter what his feelings just continued to grow. No matter how many times he pushed them down or tried to focus on the less attractive parts of Iwaizumi he couldn’t shake the ever growing affection in his heart. Oikawa couldn’t feel this way, Iwaizumi was straight; he would think Oikawa was disgusting and leave. He would push him away and Oikawa wouldn’t be able to handle that, not with Iwaizumi. So, Oikawa decided he wouldn’t give Iwaizumi the chance. 

It was hard, dodging Iwaiumi at school, at practice, his texts, phone calls, and most of all, the constant image of him that was forever glued in Oikawa’s brain. Every single time Iwaizumi tried to talk to him, Oikawa would come up with an excuse to not be there at that moment. When Iwaizumi texted him, asking if he could hang out, Oikawa found every reason in the world not to go. He knew that going to measure this drastic to avoid Iwaizumi were a little much, but Oikawa couldn’t deal with the way his chest warmed up and his stomach felt like it was being swarmed by hundreds of butterflies every time he saw Iwaizumi. 

And while avoiding Iwaizumi was what Oikawa wanted, it also meant having less reasons to stay away from his house and more importantly, his parents. Oikawa spent hours at the gym, serving and setting until his wrists were sore and his knee gave out underneath him. Now he had to drag himself home since he told Iwaizumi he was at home every night he had asked if he was in the gym. 

The whole avoiding thing was seeming to get easier, but seeing the expression on Iwaizumi’s face every single time Oikawa walked into a room was not. His face always twisted into a mixture of something like confusion, anger, sadness and honestly a little bit of betrayal. Oikawa didn’t have the heart to look at it any longer than a few seconds before he chose to not look at all. 

Oikawa was tired, his eyes were heavy and the bags underneath were just growing day by day. His teammates asked him about it, Hanamaki occasionally shouting across the gym, ‘Hey cap, getting enough sleep? You look like hell.” Oikawa would just laugh it off and retort with a ‘You don’t look too much better yourself’ or just call back, ‘I’m all good, thanks.’ But he could see it in Iwaizumi’s eyes that he wasn’t buying anything. 

Everything was going fine, apart from the fact Oikawa was pushing away his childhood best friend. In fact he was great, at least that’s what Oikawa told himself. 

He was home alone today, one of the rare nights he could actually spend his whole day in the house and not at some random park he would find on his walks that looped three times through his entire town. Oikawa wasn’t expecting any visitors that day, and he definitely wasn’t expecting this one. 

Oikawa opened the door after the persistent knocking got annoying and when he did he saw Iwaizumi who looked like he could crush his neck with one hand in he put his mind to it. Oikawa’s face dropped in shock as he was pushed inside the entryway, door slamming shut behind him. 

“Iwaizu-,” Oikawa was cut off. 

“No, don’t. Don’t pull that ‘Iwaizumi’ shit with me, alright?” He paused, eyes drilling into Oikawa’s. When he was he wasn’t going to interrupted he continued, “What the actual fuck Oikawa? What’s been going  _ on  _ with you? All you do is avoid me and I don’t know why.” Iwaizumi broke away from Oikawa and walked a few steps into the house and started to pace back and forth. 

“Did I do something wrong? What in hell could I have done? You barely talk to me, you never come over, all you do is make up excuses to not be around me and now? You’re calling me  _ Iwaizumi, _ ” He spit out his own name like it tasted awful in his own mouth. 

Oikawa felt the shame wracking in his own chest, an emotion he was all too familiar with now. He hadn’t meant to hurt Iwaizumi, he just wanted to push him away but apparently he had done it too quickly. The feeling of hot tears pricked his eyes as Oikawa opened his mouth to speak but he was beaten to it. 

“What did I  _ do  _ Tooru? I can’t take this, it’s like you hate me.” Iwaizumi walked over to where Oikawa was still pushed up against the wall and grasped his arms in his hands, like Oikawa would run away if he didn’t. “Please don’t tell me you hate me, I can’t hear that from you. Just tell me what’s happening,” Iwaizumi begged. 

His eyes searched Oikawa’s, they looked desperate and broken, all the anger that had been there was replaced. The lump grew every more in Oikawa’s throat and he willed himself to speak around it. 

He swallowed, “No, no I could never hate you Iwa. That’s not what’s happening,” Oikawa’s voice came out a lot more uneven than he had hoped. 

Iwaizumi’s grip on his arms tightened and his eyes continued to scour every inch of Oikawa’s face they could. “Then please tell me what’s happening with you Oikawa. I can’t take this, every single morning you show up to school looking more tired than the next and I  _ know  _ you’ve been in the gym late at nights again. _ Why? _ ” He willed again, with the power that seemed to be inside him. 

Oikawa’s vision started to blur as hot thick tears threatened to spill over his eyes. The lump in his throat was so thick it hurt when he swallowed. “Because-,” He choked out. 

He could see Iwaizumi’s face soften into concern and heard a quiet, “Shh,” Before his sobs started to rake through his chest so hard he was heaving. 

“Because I’m gay,” Oikawa cried, brining his hands up to cover his face. “And- and I like you Iwa and you’re going to think I’m disgusting and never- want to talk to me again and- I- I didn’t know what to do,” His words were basically incoherent at this point. Oikawa braced himself though, for Iwaizumi’s warm presence to leave him, to hear the disgusted scoff as the door slammed shut and he braced himself to sink down onto his knees and cry harder than he ever had before. 

Oikawa didn’t feel Iwaizumi leave, or hear a scoff or slamming door. Instead he felt large, gentle hands grasping his wrists, attempting to pull them away from his face. “Why would I ever think you’re disgusting for something like that?” Iwaizumi spoke softly. 

Oikawa kept his hands glued to his face as he cried harder. “Because everyone does,” He managed to get out between sobs. “Ever sin-ce I was sev-en I got bullied and- kic-ked just for- for looking like I was g-ay.” He sank to the floor helplessly. “And then I  _ was  _ and I- I didn’t know what to do. I told- my parents and- and they tol-d me they never want to- to see me again. I- I couldn’t stand it-if that happened with you,” He finally finished, out of breath and his head pounding but he still sobbed, loud and ugly. 

Iwaizumi crouched to the ground in front of him but Oikawa didn’t dare look at him and see the disappointment on his face. “Oh, Oikawa. Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you, you could’ve stayed at my place more often or I could’ve done something to help you.” 

Warm hands settled onto Oikawa’s outstretched legs and his head pounded with the intensity of his sobs, tears flowed down his face in rivers and soaked his shirt until he could feel them cold on his skin. “I didn’t know how. I was so scared Iwa,” Oikawa spoke almost yelling but he didn’t care, his parents weren’t home right now. 

One of Iwaizumi’s hands left his leg but took hold on the back of Oikawa’s neck, gently pulling him into Iwaizumi’s chest. He shifted closer to Oikawa and wrapped his arms around his shaking body as tightly as he could. “Hey, none of that ‘Iwa’ bullshit, I’m Iwa-chan and you know that.” 

Oikawa’s hands gripped at the back of Iwaizumi’s hoodie with desperation. “Iwa-chan,” He whimpered through a broken sob. 

“It’s okay Tooru, you’re okay.” A hand was rubbing up and down Oikawa’s back slowly. “I am so sorry that this was happening to you, I should’ve known something was wrong, why you were never home. God Tooru, I’m so, so sorry.” 

Oikawa just clutched on tighter and tried to breathe but it was so difficult. Iwaizumi’s scent filled his nose every time he tried to get in a real breath. Chest still heaving, Oikawa shook his head and tried to speak but yet again Iwaizumi cut him off. 

“Don’t try me with that ‘you couldn’t have known’ crap. You’re my best friend Tooru, you’re more than that damn it. I like you too and I can’t believe you haven't figured that out yet.” Iwaizumi buried his head in between Oikawa’s neck and shoulder. 

Oikawa’s whole body froze, the crying did not. “What?” 

Iwaizumi pulled back and Oikawa saw his own tears streaking his checks but not as nearly in the same quantity as Oikawa’s. Iwaizumi took his face between his hands and stroked his tear slick cheek. “I like you too Tooru, so much.” A soft smile decorated his lips. 

Oikawa choked on another sob but this one was mixed with a laugh. He plunged himself back into Iwaizumi’s chest, holding onto dear life and the crying came even more violent than before. He started mumbling out apologies at lightning speed. “I’m so sorry Iwa-chan, so so sorry,” He chanted. 

Iwaizumi’s hands were back on his back in a heartbeat, rubbing soft circles into his spine as he hushed him again. “Shh, it’s okay. I forgive you, I always will.” 

The sun had long set when Oikawa’s sobs turned into soft hitching breaths and the occasional whimper that Iwaizumi would just soothe away by holding him a little tighter than he was before. They sat like that, on the floor of Oikawa’s entry way for an hour and a half, making up for the weeks they had spent apart. After a while Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa off the floor and led him out the door, keeping a solid arm around his waist the whole time they walked down the street to Iwaizumi’s house. 

Iwaizumi handed Oikawa a shirt to change into, one of his own before making him sit down onto the arsonal of soft blankets that littered his bed instead of actual blankets. Iwaizumi left, but only to return with his laptop moments later, putting on a show that wouldn’t take too much brain power to watch but mostly just for background noise. 

He sat down next to Oikawa, gathering him against his chest as he settled in. Iwaizumi’s hands returned to Oikawa’s back and traced the outline of his bones and muscles through his skin. Oikawa’s breath still hitched and every time it did Iwaizumi would mummer into the dim light of his room, “I got you. You’re okay.” 

After sometime Oikawa passed out, exhausted from crying, from hiding and mostly from pushing away Iwaizumi, something he now knew he never should have done. 

Oikawa held on tight that night, even in his sleep. Iwaizumi held on equally as tight and only fell asleep himself after he was certain Oikawa wasn’t waking up anytime soon. Many nights were spent at Iwaizumi’s after this. There almost wasn’t a time Oikawa was in his house and he heard no protest from his parents. 

Oikawa didn’t care, he had his Iwa-chan. That’s all he really needed anyways. 

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to say, in writing this fic I was NOT trying to make coming out at some huge terrifying thing. Yes, it is scary and yes it is big but I'm not trying to make it seem like you have to hide yourself from the world. You should do anything but hide, shout it from the rooftops and be proud of who you are because you are beautiful no matter who you love or how you identify. Please don't let my fic scare you into hiding. I am so in awe of every single person who has the guts to come out, myself included.  
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
